Two Stories of Dad
"Just that you do the right thing. The rest doesn’t matter." Marcus Aurelius
My dad’s name is Clarence Edson Palmer V (the fifth). It’s a powerful name and one that would be tough for many to live up to. But boy does my dad fill it out. He is as tough, strong, and as solid as his name. Today, I reflected on 2 stories involving my dad that are responsible for cementing values in me.
Story 1
I played competitive hockey as a youngster in Southern California. My older brother, also a Clarence (VI, the sixth) played hockey, and when you admire your older brother, you copy their every move. If you know me at all, you know I’m not much of a fighter. I take pride in the fact that it’s tough to get me off my rocker, both emotionally and physically. In my 31 years on the planet, I’ve been in one physical altercation. It happened on the rink some 15-20 years ago, and I remember the details like it was yesterday. The back of the other player’s jersey was turquoise and read “Kelly” in white, above the number 13. Well this number 13 was chirping at me all game. After one small scrum in the corner with this kid, I completely lost my composure, dropped my stick, and started throwing punches at the guy. He generously reciprocated the move, and while it felt like minutes of complete exhaustion, I’m sure we exchanged swings and pleasantries for no longer than 30 seconds. We were both kicked out of the game.
After the match ended, my dad walked me to the opposing team’s locker room, made me find the kid, shake his hand, and thank him for his competitive spirit. So uncomfortable at the time, but it was the right thing to do.
Story 2
A second story I’m thinking about was the time I ordered my first big screen TV for my LA apartment. Best Buy shipped my TV early and then accidentally double charged me for shipping. I called to request a refund for the second shipping charge, and Best Buy mistakenly refunded my entire credit card, leaving me with a free TV hanging in my room.
I called my dad to tell him the story and ask him what I should do. He said, “I do have to run to my next appointment, but you know what the right thing to do is in this situation.” And then he hung up. I was sitting there in silence, and I dialed Best Buy.
I no longer have to make the phone call, but his same line has played over and over in my head for hundreds of situations throughout my life. It’s been permanently branded into me in a way that would be impossible to shake.
I’ve never seen my dad cut a corner, hide a piece of the truth, or do wrong by another person. His compass is beyond reach. And the same is true of my brother, Clarence. What a pleasure it is to live under the guidance of not one, but two Clarences. It makes decision-making easy when the only option since birth that you’ve seen, is doing the right thing.
There’s a small joke inside my family that I always wanted to be “The Clarence” (despite the fact that the firstborn male always gets the name, which I am not). But that’s not what I want or have ever wanted. I prefer the position of admiring the name, the people, and the decisions from a close distance and using it as a standard to strive for. Being like a Clarence is an aspirational goal to do right by others in every situation. I don’t deserve to be the Clarence, I can only aim to live like one.
Happy Fathers Day to the Clarence boys, and to all the dads out there, who despite their outdated fashion choices, quirkiness, and at times complications, taught us how to do the right thing. The rest doesn’t matter.